I adore good food and I try to keep it healthy for the most part. I believe that even when something has a high fat content, if it’s natural (enter Mr. Avocado), it is good. It’s about the right fats. When feasible, I eat the kind of food that is organic, as untainted as possible, filled with its own aromas and effortless great taste. I love it when I find the right flavours to marry the subtle tangs of these gorgeous, untreated produce and then turn the meal into a taste explosion. I usually try to shy away from anything processed and unnatural.
And then I go with a few friends for an evening out. It’s towards the end of the night and the start of the next morning. The rumbling has started…
It has happened to us all. It’s 3am and our night of boozing has now turned us into hungry monsters where there is no such thing as a food boundary or a no-no. The diet you were on has been completely forgotten and the alcohol running through your veins means every fat-filled, grease soaked, edible item is a must have. You looked fabulous (or you thought you did) and now you deserve whatever you want. Move over salad. Unless that romaine lettuce leaf has been dipped in batter and covered with cheese it ain’t going near my mouth.
I have been there so many times; if it’s not nailed to the floor, you’ll eat it. The guilt in the morning does raise its ugly head but you cherish the memory of that intoxicated pleasure. Oh yes my friend… You had the drunken munchies.
I have been experienced in the field of drinking for over 10 years now. I am a qualified Gin Martini specialist and I am a frequent member of the ‘it would be rude not to finish the bottle’ club. I love food so alcohol and this combined are an explosive combo. Suddenly the post 2am-3am munchies are brought on by the excessive intake of this dreaded C2h5oh compound and I have now turned into a processed, convenient food monster that is foaming at the mouth. I have been fortunate and sometimes unfortunate enough to have sampled many unsavoury eateries all over the globe due to this gobble monster being aroused. And now I feel I have gained enough practical experience to divulge a top 10 countdown of the most yummiest, most devilish foods to eat when you are tipsy or drunk.
Please try not to lick your computer screens.
No. 10: Beef Tacos
Yes, this Mexican delight does require a skill to eat and should perhaps only be given to those that are still able to order it without slurring, but when you get mince meat in a taco shell with yummy toppings that just set off the beef flavour, you rarely complain. True, most of it will be on your shoes or the floor before you get to the third bite but the first two mouthfuls made this waste worth it.
No. 9: Chinese Spring Rolls
The pub is closed but the Chinese take-away joint is alive and kicking. Give me something deep-fried and filled with some kind of meat and vegetable in a Chinese batter!!! Yeah it’s just a snack but it will keep me going until I find my bedroom or come to think of it, my house.
No. 8: An Irish Breakfast
Ok this takes a little cooking if you plan on activating your drunken munchies at home but if you can navigate to a breakfast eatery that is open in the wee hours, do it! It’s now the morning so it’s technically a breakfast. All those yummy components make this plentiful dish of food, a taste sensation. Who doesn’t love a plate of varied pig meats mixed with some fried chicken eggs and white and black pudding on the side? Throw in a fried tomato and some mushrooms you say? Sure! Put that stuff right on there. It’s a party on a plate and every farm animal and vegetable is invited.
No. 7: Deep-Fried Chicken
Oh so good. It’s crunchy at first then tender and succulent. You know it’s very bold when the evidence presents itself; the napkin at the bottom of the basket that was previously hugging the chicken has now turned into a window-like, sodden material. You thank it for at least catching whatever grease it could. You shrug at the rest that is about to go into your mouth. You’ll work it off tomorrow. (Yeah right. Tomorrow you’ll be ordering a take-away due to your hangover cravings).
No.6: Club Sandwich
Alright, it is ‘superficially’ the most elegant and prestigious of all the intoxicated eats. It’s cut into 4 neat triangles with a colourful and tiered centre composing of all your favourite foods held together with a toothpick that has some sweet little ribbon on the top. (However at post 2am, I doubt you are in an establishment that practices this cute and classy touch). Originating from an exclusive gentleman’s club in New York in 1894, you are now damagingly devouring it with mayonnaise dripping onto your dress, bits of the tomato insides leaking through the toast making it a soggy mess and you’re growling at anyone who dares take 1 of the precious 4 triangles from your plate. Classy.
No. 5: Doner Kebab
I know. It is more of a ‘lads’, after pub treat but us ladies can rock it with the best of them and I’m proof of that. Come on! Its lamb meat, slow roasted on a vertical spit, (a.k.a. “turny-thingy” when you are drunk and staring at it in amazement with your other intoxicated friend) then thrown into a soft pita, doused in some yoghurt mayonnaise and then some lettuce placed in for a little greenery. Delicious except when I find some of the sauce in my hair the next morning.
No. 4: Pizza
It is always in your freezer and if not, shame on you! You don’t deserve the drunken munchies. For those that are the tipsy nibbler devotees, it is there ready-at-hand when you stumble through your front door wearing someone else’s jacket and swearing you left the house with both your shoes on. And the best part? You don’t have to eat it in public!!! Stuff your face like napkins were never invented and manners were something of a fairytale. What’s not to go crazy about? Bread dough topped with your favourite toppings, topped with more toppings, topped with cheese and whatever else is in your fridge. Go on; throw an egg on there for good luck and dip each slice in mayonnaise just to be sure you successfully clog those arteries!
No. 3: Buffalo Wings à la Eddie Rockets
Yeah, yeah I am going to give a shout out to the fast food joint that has the majority of us Dublin/Irish peeps waking up on a Sunday morning with no money left in our wallets yet able to chant the rhyme “Eddie Rockets; Holes in my Pockets”. Fine, we had to walk home because we spent our last €20 in this American diner but oh my, it was worth it. You know something is good when you wake up wishing you had ordered double so you could have the second portion the following morning or early afternoon. Granted, you get the sauce all over your face and your fingers soon resemble some kind of autopsy being performed on what you are devouring, but that’s what the sanitary hand napkins are for. Don’t worry that you now have sauce on your forehead because you tried to push your hair out of your eyes as you wanted to focus on this bowl of poultry wings. They are so good and we all know it.
No. 2: Hotdog
I loved living in Canada. You leave a bar and bam! The smell hits you. You follow the delicious odour to the end of the block where, there he is…. The Hotdog Man. Will you marry me good Sir? There is meat (however the authenticity of this can be debated), a bun and your favourite condiments; ketchup and mustard. Do you have fried onions? Yes please, put them on! It’s also a portable meal that allows you to laugh at your girlfriend as she tries to shove the hotdog in her mouth without men staring at her. This act of edible savagery has to normally be performed safely behind a tree or bush.
No.1: The HAMBURGER!!!
Well it’s my all time, number 1 favourite, must eat when inebriated… La Hamburguesa! There really is no need to explain it. It is everything gorgeous in approximately 7 bites. You get ketchup on your dress and sauce on your face, but this is heaven between two buns. It’s worth the possible weight gain, the guilt, the €7 drop, the 2 hours in the gym the next day, the dry cleaning bill… yes it’s worth it all. I bow to you American sandwich! You are my numero uno.
So there you go. Are you hungry now? I bet you are!!